wink     ; )

Whelmed

I am whelmed. Not quite overwhelmed. Certainly not underwhelmed. Just at my limits, no more, no less. Whelmed.

My clusters have been bad. I've had a respite for the past two days, which is the only reason why I have the time or energy to write this post. But aside from today and yesterday, I've been having three clusters a day (2AM, 5AM, 7AM). Every day. For the past week. And Thursday was special: I had four--a personal record.

I've finished my course of pred. I'm almost out of Imitrex. My oxygen is merely cutting the pain, instead of aborting the clusters.

Of course, I still have to take care of Spark. (Thank God for Tree who has taken over many morning duties during this cluster so that I can get an extra half-hour of precious sleep every day.) Errands to run. Playdates to keep. Somehow I've managed to cook dinner all week. And of course there are dishes to wash.

I've managed to hold it all together. Just barely. The delirium and energy drains and clusters alternate with bouts of mania--an hour or two where I can actually focus and can somehow summon the energy and motivation to act. In those moments, I can actually accomplish most of my tasks for the day.

I never think that I can't do it. I always think I'm going to be exhausted at the end of it. And I'm always right. Whelmed.