wink     ; )

Infertility: Part 6 (More Cruel Words)

(For background info, see Infertility, part 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5.)

Though the previous story left me infuriated, it was merely the first. I would soon hear many more unitentionally cruel or insulting remarks (espeially from those who meant well). But although that story was the most infuriating, it was not the most painful. After all, the offending woman was a complete stranger who wasn't even addressing me.

The most painful remark came over a year later from a close friend who should have known better. We were discussing his experience with infertility (this was territory that we had covered many times before). His wife only ovulated maybe once or twice a year. Despite this, they managed to conceive on one of his wife's first ovulations after halting the use of birth control.

Knowing full well about my infertility, he said, "I don't know how we managed to conceive so quickly. I guess I must be a real stud." To his credit, my friend immediately apologized for his insensitivity without me having to say anything. But his words still sliced deep. This was a friend. Speaking to me. Who knows about my abysmal sperm count. And still he measures masculinity by the ability to impregnate. His words left me feeling not angry, but hurt. Betrayed. Deserted.

I know that he meant no harm, and I forgave him. But it is those unguarded moments, those slips of the tongue that let you know what another person really thinks.